Flop Show....

I absolutely dread public speaking, so much as to avoid it at all costs. But last week, inspite of my ardent protests, my lecturer forced me to agree to give a presentation on a really drab topic about Biodiversity. I had to devote all my free time sitting in front of the computer working on powerpoint.

My earliest experiences with public speaking were very bad ones. Maybe its because of them, that I have never been able to hold my nerve. The first time I spoke before a crowd was in UKG in a declamation competition. The 'crowd' was more than 500 unruly brats who didn't give a damn of what I was saying and were busy throwing paper balls at each other and pulling the girls' ponytails. The first time I spoke into the mike, I was dazed. My voice kinda echoed to me and I heard it 2-3 times from the speakers. This was enough to break the concentration of a first time speaker who had not turned 4. I totally messed up and my class teacher had to prompt me on. I lost. It was a jinx that has not left me till date.

My presentation was day before yesterday. It was not difficult. It doesn't take Einstein to explain a few concepts seeing from the slides. But I still managed to make a grand mess of it. The biggest problem I faced was that my legs were trembling and my mouth went dry. I tried to picture the audience naked, but that got too gross, so I gave up and continued. Halfway through the presentation, my descriptions started getting worse and 2-3 times I plainly read from the slides- a strict no-no for any presentation. To make things worse, as I got more nervous I started to run through the slides to get it all over quickly. It was a 'fight or flee' question and my mind chose to flee.

One of the biggest problems was that it was a subject I was not passionate about. I don't give a damn about bleeding eco-activists who have to go and protest about everything. And the golden rule in speaking is that unless you really feel for the subject, you can never give an effective talk. Take Abraham Lincoln for instance, some of his speeches were absolute failures. But when he spoke about slavery, no one in the world could argue with him, it takes a genius to come up with "The government cannot endure permanently, half slave and half free". Also Hitler, he hated jews so much that when he spoke he influenced the whole nation. And if these great orators found it difficult to talk about subjects they didn't like, where do I stand.

I have my final year project seminar coming up. If I perform like this in front of the external examiners, I have absolutely no hope of graduating.